Giving yourself unconditional permission to eat is the key to breaking the restrict – binge/overeat cycle. When food no longer possesses the allure of being special or off-limits, you realize that you don’t have to keep white-knuckling it through family events, dinner out with friends, or even down the aisles of the grocery store. So what does giving yourself unconditional permission to eat actually mean? It means:
- Recognizing and dismissing the morality around food. Foods are not categorized into “good” or “bad,” and neither has any super power to keep you thin, fat, inflict guilt or shame, or impose superiority.
- Eating what you want. YES, eating what you actually want by respecting inner cues instead of listening to outside rules.
- Eating without negotiation or stipulations. No longer playing that, “Ok, I’ll have the cake and exercise extra hard later,” or “It’s okay if I eat the fries now cause I’m not eating for the rest of the day.” These “deals” are not unconditional, but paying penance for food choices you feel aren’t the best.
When your food choices are free from any hidden agendas or promises of “being good” later, the restrict/binge cycle begins to falter. Here’s how that cycle works:
- You want to be thin – to lose the weight ‘once and for all’ so you;
- Restrict– eliminate specific food groups, join a juice “challenge,” drink shakes for breakfast and lunch with a ‘sensible’ dinner, or any other diet that promises success, but you being to have;
- Cravings– and unrelenting food thoughts. You’re hungry. You’re bored with the “approved” list foods, so you;
- Cheat– but since it’s a one-time slip, might as well enjoy it so you go big and eat till you’re uncomfortable, then you;
- Feel out of control or bad, so you;
- Restrict again, and the cycle continues…
This cycle is very seductive and most spend their entire lives stuck in it. The sneakiest thing – most don’t even realize they’re in this perpetual loop. The way out? First – recognize it. Second – Make Peace with Food.
Now, this isn’t an immediate change. It can take time to undo years and years of diet mentality and that’s okay. Here’s an IE exercise adapted from the IE workbook to start:
- Make a list of foods you current restrict. Categorize, if necessary, to help you remember by Grains, Fruits, Sweets and Desserts, Processed Foods, Fats and Fatty Foods, High-Calorie Foods, etc.
- Reflect on the Forbidden Food Inventory and answer the following questions:
- Describe your thoughts and eating behavior when you decide to eat one of your forbidden foods
- While you are eating your forbidden food, are you connected to the taste and your body sensations of emerging?
- How does eating one of your forbidden foods affect your eating for the rest of the day? Your mood? How you feel about yourself?
- Now, go back and circle 1-3 foods from your list.
- Purchase this food at the store or at a restaurant.
- Eat the food taking your time to notice any emotions or feelings of resistance that may arise. Refer back to questions from step 2 as you eat.
- Ask yourself, how does the food taste? Is it as good as you think? Continue eating if you enjoy it. Stop if you don’t.
- Make sure to keep enough in stock so that you know that it’s available if you want it or allow yourself to go to the restaurant as often as you’d like.
This may seem scary for some. Old diet advice preaches not keeping “forbidden” foods in the house, but with practice and time, the draw of the forbidden fades. When you allow yourself to have any food you want whenever you want it, there’s no reason to deprive yourself and then binge when you do have it. Take your time. Review and edit your list.
But I won’t stop eating a particular food! This is common fear of seasoned dieters. Bags of chips are “too dangerous” to keep in the house and please don’t dare bring out the dessert menu when out to dinner! When you learn that food is no longer off-limits, a “cheat,” or requires penance to eat, you’ll discover that you can enjoy it without over-indulging or eating past physical comfort. Despite what diet culture has taught you, you can listen to your body!
Portion control is everything! Actually, no it’s not. When we listen to our bodies, give ourselves permission to eat without rules and stipulations, and honor our hunger and satisfaction signals, you won’t have to live your life eating out of pre-portioned bags of food. Whether you’re eating off a large plate or a snack plate, your attunement with your body’s signals will determine the amount you eat. You won’t need outside influence to know when to stop.
Beware of Pseudo-Permission.This is often a transition from diet to intuitive eating.. It’s where you have one foot in dietland and one in Food Freedom land. You’re eating forbidden foods but still overeating because you’re missing the unconditional part. Those pesky diet thoughts and habits are still lurking. You’re eating, but you’re mind’s diet alarms are firing off, “No! – You shouldn’t be eating this!” Call these thoughts out from a place of curiosity and compassion.
Unconditional permission to eat is eating without rules, “shoulds,” or negotiations. It’s not an easy aspect of Intuitive Eating, but it makes all the difference towards feeling peace around food. You’ll no longer feel anxiety over cupcakes at the office or fear what to order when a friend asks you out. Food will no longer be “good” or “bad,” removing any shame or guilt. Take your time and be patient with yourself.
Put it into Practice
What “forbidden” food are you allowing back on your plate?
How does it feel to eat these foods with unconditional permission?
