For my 5th wedding anniversary, my husband planned a romantic dinner at an expensive restaurant. It was a total surprise. I was given short notice, told it was dressy, and that I had 15 minutes to get ready – yep, I was sure it would be our last celebrated anniversary. I freaked out. I don’t do dressy. (I’m a jeans girl all the way.) Then what shirt? Shoes? My hair? Suddenly everything in my closet was wrong and didn’t fit. I broke down in tears. Concerned over my outburst, I confided in my husband that, “I felt fat.”
The truth was, I felt uncomfortable. It was out of my comfort zone to go to such a fancy dinner, especially with such short time to get ready. I wanted to look attractive to my husband – it was our first date night in a long time. I was frazzled. Sweating from digging through tops and throwing clothes all over the place, I was done. I wanted to give up, put on sweats, and order Chinese take-out for dinner. My wonderful husband heard my feelings, reassured me, and we went to dinner.
So what the heck was all that about?
First and foremost, fat is not a feeling. It’s a descriptive. It’s a part of the body. No different than having fingernails, brown hair, or being tall. The clincher is we erroneously associate fat with feeling shameful, unworthy, discomfort, anxious, vulnerable, sad, out-of-control, and more. It’s falsely imprinted on us by the diet-culture we live in. How much easier to throw our hands in the air and say, “I feel fat,” than to be vulnerable?
So what do you do?
Take a moment. Check in with yourself.
- What’s really going on?
- Am I feeling overwhelmed, anxious, insecure?
- Am I feeling nervous, confused, worried?
- What is the real discomfort I’m feeling?
Second, I wasn’t taking care of myself the way I’d like and frankly, I was feeling embarrassed. The embarrassment isn’t necessarily a reflection of how I looked, but how I was eating, moving my body, and practicing self-care or the lack there of. In a way, I’d let yourself down in taking care of myself and that guilt always hits like a ton of bricks, especially right before a big social event.
At the time of my anniversary dinner, I had to admit to myself that I wasn’t taking care of myself. I was eating lots of quick foods, too much sugar, not getting any exercise, and putting more and more stress on my shoulders. I was drowning in the very poor habits that I help others break. (See, no one’s perfect). Then I had a moment of clarification and reflection. I didn’t decide to start restricting pledge my allegiance to a new workout program. That dinner was not going to be my “Last Supper” before I swore off this, that, and the other from my diet the next morning. I simply decided to breathe and change my mindset back to a place of care.
Despite my weight, when I’m taking care of myself, I feel good about myself.We fear judgment from others even though 99.9% of the judgment is in our heads. The truth is, when we’re taking care of ourselves, regardless of any actual physical changes, we feel better. Our posture is a little straighter, our skin a little brighter, our energy higher. The common thought is when we look good, we feel good, but the exact opposite is true – when we feel good, we look good.
Here’s how I take care of myself:
- Get those snuggles from my kiddo and hugs from my hubs
- Drink lots of water
- Eat when hungry
- Enjoy the sweet things in life – like truly enjoy them, not scarf them down so no one sees – and make them REALLY good options, not cheap options (i.e. bakery macaroon vs. Oreo)
- Move my body daily – a little dancing with the munchkin in the kitchen, going for a walk, or a workout that I enjoy
- Cook dinners and share the time with my family
- Journal or meditate daily
- Connect with friends as much as possible – Memes were created for a reason, people
- Take day trips – plan long trips
- Show gratitude in every day and each special moment that pops along the way
Reflect on a time that you “felt fat.” How were you really feeling? What truths does this bring forward? What’s your recipe for taking care of yourself?
